P.E.R.S.O.N.I.F.I.E.D [entries|friends|calendar] C.Y.Y [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[26 Jul 2009|01:27am] I want to poke her face until pecah. post comment

[20 Jul 2009|09:59pm] MOVING! Hak~~~ (laut laut laut) post comment

[16 Jul 2009|12:41am] I've been neglecting myself from writing anything here because no amount of words or rather the right ones can insinuate what I have been going through. I've also TRIED to get myself out from the danger zone of being regarded as the vile and repulsive person that I am not. However, should one think that TIME is the fix to this altercation, then you can have all the time in the world. That's just a lazy person's way of mending. I rest my case. post comment

[13 Jun 2009|01:07am] Watched Taking of Pelham 123 today. It was pretty good. John Travolta was pretty bad ass. Last Thursday was an epic night. Didn't thought that it would return. Kinda bummed. I am still trying my best to make sense out of this senseless reality. Anyway, there were somethings that were said by people that kind of surprised me. Some were quite irrational (which I totally understand and wonder why I wasn't the one who come up with it.), there are those that really made me feel better (Big-Up to the GFs! and A4) and some of it really made me go, "WTF". And some of them makes me wanna send them a THANK YOU card that says, "Thanks for being understanding. But I think you will need to sit in front of the mirror before you understand how I feel." Though this drama has kinda died down a little bit, I don't think anyone of us has gotten used to it yet. But I am just glad that the "limelight" gradually dimming. Educate yourself with substantial issues. Not those that portrays shallowness bullcrap. Don't waste your time honey. "... we got famous for nothing, baby." Rockets - YUNA post comment

Oh glorious donuts. [05 Jun 2009|02:20pm] So when I'm handicapped at work, with nothing much to do, I end up surfing the web mindlessly. Here's one of those things that I stumbled upon and it still amuses me - http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=223686317&albumId=501785 I never thought I would see this again. But.. hurhur~ Funny man. But I blame myself for clicking even further to see the comment. I've jumped on the Facebook wagon quite recently. And then, I've also jumped into the Twitter thing-ma-jing. Kinda fun. I could tweet from my phone too! I could overtweet some times. Like how you overtweezed your eyebrow. Its addictive. Now, I'm not that kind of person who needs to be on the web 24/7. But I may be preaching on the wrong tree. Well, the Kill Bill villain died. Apparently, it has something to do with a sex game that went wrong. hmmmm. I wish I could say the same to those who commit infidelity. Heh~ The Swine flu virus is lurking around S'pore now. Plus, the weather is not really helping. It's like harvesting little Swineys around. Piglets flying with their curly-wurly tails. I need to have a good laugh. oooooo..... Go straight to hell boy! post comment

[26 May 2009|12:58pm] JJ Abrams is one sly sly director. I never liked Star Trek. But the movie is awesome. :D 2 comments|post comment

Get out of my head, dreams! Argh~ [22 May 2009|02:10pm] Kick! Kick! Kick! I want a sidekick too. So many movies to watch. So little time. There's so many things to do. So little time. 8/9 of the living time is for work. I need a blardee vacation. 2 to 3 weeks will be nice. Travel! Travel! Travel! Looking forward to Summer Camp 2010. Wow. It's going to be June soon. Half a year is gone. post comment

[18 May 2009|02:07pm] I'd drown all these crying babies, If I knew that their mothers wouldn't cry. I'd hold them down and I'd squeeze real soft, To let a piece of myself die. My bizarre dream is freaking me out. post comment

For the way you remind me. [06 May 2009|02:25am] About a week ago, I seek a sanctuary that I'm not all too familiar with. It felt strange to be surrounded with an unknown environment but it made me realized that it's not all bad. I was finally able to breathe and was glad to be out of the rage, disappointments and chaotic emotions circling me in light of this recent tragic event. At the same time, I've managed to maintain my sanity and coped the bloody warzone in my head. I can safely say that I am now in a better place. There were many awkward situations still. However, it's only normal that these situations will happen. I can never hide. I can never avoid. I can never hate. I can never forget. But I can forgive. Hence, I'll take this as a lesson. I'll take it as one of those moments that it's tough but I have no choice but to go through it. And so, I would like to thank you for giving me this lesson. Bless your heart. It was a wonderful journey while it last. Thank you. post comment

[28 Apr 2009|06:46pm] I never wanted to be angry. I never wanted things to be this way. I wished you tried a little harder. I wished you guys are a little more sane. I pray that you guys can find solace and repair your broken and weathered soul. Only time will tell. Don't despair. Take care. post comment

[28 Apr 2009|03:25pm] What's the purpose of the confrontation anyway? To make me feel bad for being angry on my LJ? You should jolly well know that from the beginning, I felt SO sorry that this had to happen to the both of you. I called the both of you to find out how you guys are doing. Because I can see the damage was huge and it was beyond anyone's imagination. Everyone told me to back off but I was stubborn because I wanted you guys to know that I was not raging like bull even though I was the victim. I, in fact, felt sympathetic that you guys have no one to back you up. That's why I stepped in. However, your reaction to me was so hostile. It was either fuck off, you dont have to be merciful, don't worry abt me, shut the fuck up, reject phone calls, im ok, crying for the lost of friends and love, I dont deserve to be with Naz, you do. All that anger towards me. What did I do?? Should I take the blame for all of this drama? I have not done anything to justify my anger. In fact, there's nothing that I can do to justify this anger that's harbored in me. Nothing. I kept it in me so much that it's eating me up inside. I wondered too, why wasnt I angry in the beginning. Does anyone know how that feels? No. Words are just individual letters combined to express meanings. If you both are offended by my words, I would apologize. But I wont. If this is the hell that you deserve, you have it easy, man-bro and lady-sis. If you think I had to do it (I don't know what you mean by "IT") again and make things worse, I think your mistakes and actions are bad enough. Nothing can top that up. All these bitchings, verbal abuses, threats, hearsays that are hurl to the both of you are things that you should have expected when you guys confessed. I wonder why you are alarmed. Don't be. post comment

[28 Apr 2009|01:03pm] I am heaven sent, Don't you dare forget. I am all you've ever wanted, What all the other boys all promised. Sorry i told. I just needed you to know. I think in decimals and dollars. I am the cause to all your problems, Shelter from cold. We are never alone. Coordinate brain and mouth. Then ask me whats it like to have Myself so figured out. I wish i knew.. I hope this song starts a craze. The kind of song that ignites the airwaves. The kind of song that makes people glad To be where they are, With whoever they're there with. This is war. Every line is about, Who i don't wanna write about anymore. Hope you come down with something They can't diagnose, don't have the cure for. Holding on to your grudge. Oh its so hard to have someone to love. And keeping quiet is hard. Cuz you cant keep a secret If it never was a secret to start. At least pretend you didn't wanna get caught.. We're concentrating on falling apart. We were contenders, we're throwing the fight But I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe, in us. Oh, we're so controversial. We are entirely smooth. We admit to the truth, We are the best at what we do. And these are the words you wish you wrote down. This is the way you wish your voice sounds, Handsome and smart. Oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body That works harder than my heart. And its all from watching tv, And from speeding up my breathing. Wouldnt stop if i could. Oh it hurts to be this good. You're holding on to your grudge. Oh it hurts to always have to be honest With the one that you love. oh, so let it go.. This is the grace that only we can bestow. This is the price you pay for loss of control. This is the break in the bend, This is the closest of calls. This is the reason your alone, This is the rise and the fall. post comment

[28 Apr 2009|09:05am] It's bullshit that you are still considering your options. There was never an option. To leave or not. And all your stories of weighing down on 2 options, I have not said it to anyone before. But, A BIG FUCK YOU to that. There was never an option. It was to leave or not. Shutting people out. Well, another BIG FUCK YOU to that. Stop lying. People already know the truth. Soft-hearted? Yeah right. You couldn't even face your own family for that matter. You of all people know how important they are. You just made your family carry the guilt and burden of your fucking mistake. To think that I had known you for 6 years. You would have known me better. But you didnt because u were already SO messed up at that time. Despite that, I even quoted that "Deedee is a funny girl" in my old diary. You fucking disappoint me big time. You came in, messed up my life and took something so precious away from me. Right under my nose and while you were being a friend. What the fuck did I do to deserve these? And instead of being apologetic, you still want him though you've been told he's not yours in the first place. Just because no one else would want to stick by you. Well, that's the circumstance that you have to face. You didnt know? Wow. You are that dumb. Fucking shameless. You obviously have no morals or ethics in any parts of your body. And because of this mistake, you people dont know how many people are affected. Didnt expect this to happen this way? Then what way should that be? Will this raging anger, sadness and disappointment changed to be any less painful? I doubt so. cuz you cant keep a secret if it never was a secret to start. at least pretend you didn't wanna get caught.. 4 comments|post comment

[21 Apr 2009|05:24pm] So touch me or don't. But just let me know. Where you been? post comment

[19 Apr 2009|05:42pm] And the tears come streaming down your face, When you lose something you can't replace. When you love someone but it goes to waste. Could it be worse? 1 comment|post comment

[17 Apr 2009|03:11pm] So everything has been said and done. It's over now. It's a new life for the both of us. I have buried my grandfather 2 months ago. And now, I'm burying you and her. Good luck and hope it last. I believe in karma. 3 comments|post comment

I am your almost nothing - Barbara Krueger [16 Apr 2009|11:22am] If you could lay on your back and be beaten, You could put up your fists and fight. You could try anyway. -Handcuffs by Brand New- If you are trying, so are we. Never hit the brakes, There's no time to save him, He's run out in the street. Anybody know his name? I think I recognize him. -Millstone by Brand New- We will never forget who you are. Well take me, take me back to your bed. I love you so much that it hurts my head. Say I don't mind you under my skin, I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in. When we were made, we were set apart. Life is a test and I get bad marked. Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins, The storm is coming, the storm is coming in. -Degausser by Brand New- Brand New cushioned this fall. post comment

To the affected individuals [14 Apr 2009|06:13am] I'm vomiting disgust, anger, pain and sadness all at once. It hurts me so much that holding in the tears make me choke and vomiting again. I couldn't sleep, drink, eat, work, be left alone without falling on to my knees and crying out loud. Clutching a heart that's shattering into millions. I never expected these things could happen to me. I only heard stories before. I never cried so much in my life that the tear ducts have dried up. As much as all of the above are happening to me, I don't know how it has affected you. You could be worse. post comment

[13 Apr 2009|05:25pm] The worse has yet to come. post comment

[12 Apr 2009|01:58pm] Visited my Grandma a few days ago. My uncle took me to places that I used to go when I was a kid. Fishing areas, prawning, garden of chillis and a sampan port for people to travel from their kampung to town. It's kinda sad to know that I won't be visiting kampung again anytime soon because my grandma will be coming over to S'pore quite often. Though Im kinda excited that she will be in Singapore. It's been 40 days since my arwah Grandfather passed away. It's still hard to accept the fact that he's gone. No matter how prepared I am, I can never stop the tears rolling down my eyes everytime I say a prayer for him. I have loads of images to be uploaded. Later I guess. Oh my god. 2 games that we have been playing most of the time - Left 4 Dead and UNO. Alright... Gotta work. post comment

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